10 Things To Keep In Mind Before You Forgive A Cheater

He was the very first man for whom you open the doors to your heart, open yourself. You were on cloud nine having him by your side, claiming him as yours but all of a sudden, reality slapped you hard on the face, showing you why this life is not a fairytale.

In this real world and real life, things like one woman man, and yours & yours only don’t exist – even if they do, they are super rare to find you. You got to know that everything he said to you was a lie. The entire time, he was giving the love you deserve to some other woman and now, you are feeling numb, unaware of what to do now.

I Work With Cheaters. Here Are My Top 6 Signs to Spot an Affair'

And when, after months of suffering from this pain of being cheated on, you finally got some courage to wash off the shame of being fooled by someone you loved with all your heart. But now, right when you were ready to take a fresh start, he’s back, asking for a second chance, dragging you again to that numbness and confusion.

We know your heart is shouting the hell out to let him come back to your life but your brain is giving mixed signals. In this battle of heart and brain, you might find yourself inclined towards your heart but before you make the final decision, we want you to read this article.

Here we are going to share our expert advice and people’s experiences about whether you should trust him again or not. We compiled all the data into 10 Things To Keep In Mind Before You Forgive A Cheater. Read on because we’re pretty sure that by the end of this article, you’ll be able to see things from a clearer viewpoint.

Would you be able to forgive him for real?

 

Being cheated upon is not a thing that you can forgive easily. It doesn’t only damage your relationship but also attacks your self-esteem. However, there are still some people who have habits of not holding grudges against others. If they say that they have forgiven someone, they do so.

4 Reasons Why Infidelity Happens Even in Happy Relationships | Psychology  Today

On the other hand, some people don’t mean when they say it’s okay. Instead, they hold grudges and feel a fire burning constantly within their hearts. Such sorts of people usually find it almost impossible to forgive someone completely. And since they can’t forgive someone by heart, they keep on throwing taunts and past mistakes in the face of their partner which in turn, strained the relationship even further.

So, before you get hypnotized by your feelings, ask yourself whether you belong to type 1 or type 2 people. If you are damn sure that you won’t hold grudges after saying it’s fine, you can give the idea of a second chance a shot!

Is he making efforts to make up for the damage he has done?

The tension won’t dissolve after you say it’s okay, let’s try again. Instead, to bring things back on track, you and your partner would need to make efforts – or we should say your partner will need to make as many efforts as in his power to make up for the damage his infidelity caused.

Here's Why People Cheat on Those They Love, According to Psychology

 

So, if you’ve forgiven him for his cheating or at least given him an indication of the possible forgiveness, you should observe his attitude even more closely. Is he trying to stay connected with you more often? Is he planning dates and locations more frequently? Is he trying to reassure you of a pleasant future together? Is he understanding your situation (that you need some time to heal)?

If so, then you should try even harder to heal so this tension could dissolve between you two. Only after this, you’d be able to forge the relationship you always dreamt of.

Is he regretful about what he has done?

How could one figure out whether the person is ashamed of his actions? Sadly, there’s no specific rule for that but still, you can observe his actions, his words, and his attitude to get your answer.

Psychologist Reveals the 7 Most Common Motivations for Cheating in a  Relationship - WomenWorking

Does he get angry when you bring up the matter of his infidelity? Does he seem offended when you ask him for some time to heal? If the answers to both questions are yes, take them as red flags and permanently shut the doors of your heart for him.

Is he worth it?

As stated before, it’s not easy to forgive someone who returned to your love and devotion in such a horrible way. In an attempt to heal up and repair what has been broken within yourself, you have to suffer from a lot of anxiety and stress.

So before you say yes to the idea of a second chance, take your time to think hard and think long. Is he worth all this pain and suffering? Does he deserve a second chance? If so, why? Is it because you love him or do you find him irresistibly handsome? If you are going to give him a second chance for one of these two reasons, then you are making a huge mistake.

Does he still love you?

Many people share a mentality that if he loved me, he wouldn’t cheat but according to dating and psychology experts, people can love someone with their full heart and still cheat. So, if you think that he still loves you for real and there’s something special between you two, you can start things with him all over again.

Emotional Cheating: 11 Signs, Platonic Intimacy Qs, What to Do

What was the intensity of his infidelity?

It might be sounding stupid but the intensity of infidelity means a lot to deciding whether you should give him another chance or not. Did he cheat you by making out with someone after getting drunk? Or did he cheat on you with someone he’s dated for months or weeks? If the cheating is all about a one-night stand, you can think about forgiving him and taking a fresh start.

You share a family who needs you

If you have children who need you, and who can’t handle the trauma of their parent’s failed marriage, you may try to forgive your partner for cheating, out of your parenting responsibilities. However, you better do this only if you find it in yourself to improve your monogamous relationship too.

The Real Reason People Cheat In Relationships, As Told By An Expert

Otherwise, sticking around just for the sake of children won’t do any good to anyone – neither you nor your family. If you two can’t behave like emotionally mature and responsible parents around your children and spend most of your time fighting and blaming each other, you better part ways and try to raise your kids by co-parenting.

Was that his first time cheating on you?

So You Think You Weren't Cheating? | Psychology Today Canada

Before entering again into a romantic relationship with your partner, you better think or ask him directly about whether it was his first time cheating on you. If he has a long track record of cheating, by forgiving him, you’ll do nothing other than fool yourself again.

Has he ended his connections with that person?

4 Ways to Heal Relationships After Cheating - wikiHow

Has your partner ended things up completely with that person or not? From ending things, we are not only talking about ending physical connections but also emotional ones. Remember that if he’s still connected to that person emotionally, he’ll keep cheating on you again and again.

Was he happy with that person?

Ask your partner whether he enjoyed his time with that person. Yes, he might not answer correctly to redeem you so you better think of the time during which he was playing an infidelity game. How was he during those days? Had he used to pay more attention to his appearance? Did he prefer to spend more time off you to make time for that person? If so then going back to him will make your life even more miserable.

Leave a Comment